journal #15

While reading "Boarder Patrol State" I found myself agreeing with just about all of Silko's arguments. Having lived in Texas most of my life I feel that knowledge of immigrants is more common than it would be in most other northern states. There is a stigma against people of darker in skin, in Houston most people with housekeepers or maids pay their employees with cash. Although this might be for convenience but most families prefer to employ on a don't ask don't tell basis. I know this is a stigma, but it something I have picked up on being raised in that setting. I have also heard many stories of boarder patrol cruelty. Anywhere I have traveled to in south Texas I have seen boarder patrol SUVs and even helicopters. Historically the Nation has one to many keenly documented instances exposing its importance on keeping it secure. Almost every race and ethnicity has faced persecution and segregation at least once in our country's history. I’m not sure why, but the land of free has never really seemed to be that free. Many phrases or ideals correlated with America or its people seem to be, more often than not, an oxymoron. I understand that we cannot have a completely unregulated civilization, the government needs control for taxing purposes ands on, but I do not believe that cruelty and stigmatism need to play such a big role in these federal issues. I can understand falling back onto this on a personal level, some people fall into ruts, mid-life crisis and other life numbing experiences that can cause a less than ideal version of yourself to become your main social output. Even though this is understandable, it is inexcusable. I think that the lack of humanity in an occupation that deals with humans on a daily basis is just another oxymoron that our country must strive to fix.

journal #14

If I was a soldier in Lieutenant Cross's unit I would probably carry something like his pebble from Mary. I would like to think I have a picture of all of my loved ones to bring, but I can't think of one single picture or moment to capture so many happy memories. This is why I think I would carry an object. I have this rubbing cross, made by my family's ranch hand. An arm of the cross fits between your first and second finger while the second arm and top of the cross are between your thumb and forefinger and the grove between them is smooth as a pebble. It’s used to rub as you’re pray, like a rosary. It holds extreme sentimental value and it think it would qualify as something superstitious I carry and something I carry because I am afraid. I also have a pair of earring I would wear on a chain. One day my dad brought back this gift for me just because he said they reminded me of him. They are simple opal earrings but that is one of my favorite memories with my father. I think my emotional baggage would be tremendous. I would carry regret around like suitcase of bricks. I can only imagine how much you wish you would've done when you are constantly so close to death. I also think hope would be a necessity because without it I could not plan all the things I would do upon my return home. I would have to carry some sort of journal. I think to not record how things were in situation such as war could result in poor psychological health. I would want to write down not only emotional experiences but also ideas that cross my mind, poems or stories, or even little sketches. I think with these things that I carry I could make it through something as terrible as war. 

journal #13

Through out this story we see the struggle of Zitkala-Sa as she is forcefully integrated into the American way of life. Her rebellion to this new culture seems to prove that this story is anti-American dream. She has little to no choice in the changes in her life. Her cultural and social norms do not align with those of the "pale faces" and she futilely tries to hold onto what she knows. This does not support what we have discussed as the American dream, being forced into a new life while wanting nothing more than to keep your old one sounds more like slavery. But in the end she is triumphant in her goals, she seems pleased with where her life has taken her but where did everything transition? I believe her story ends with an accomplished goal of the American dream and proving those around you wrong. Her dream seems to have a more vengeful twist to it than previously analyzed outcomes of the American dream and even an unfinished one at that, but none the less I think it still qualifies. Her ending sentence states that "the little taste of victory did not satisfy a hunger" in her heart. I think she has accomplished her dream of an American education, but in the end she still longs for her mothers approval. I think that even though she is not completely happy in where her life has taken her, i think the motivation to prove to her mother and everyone around her that she is capable of doing whatever she pleases. This is such  strong factor of the American dream that it changes the aspect of the story in the end. She begins afraid and rebellious of this new life, but by the end turns around and takes charge of it and wields it to work in her favor. This proves her to be a strong independent citizen with nothing but her future ahead of her. This, i believe, any American would be proud to be called.

journal #12

"Fortunately the illness passed away without serious consequences; yet it seemed the first break in our festivities, and was followed by an event of a most tragical nature."

I like this sentence because it seems a good transition from her childhood memories to to future political goals and forthcomings. The wording struck me as particular, show she says the kings illness passed away almost gives it a morbid feeling but in reality it tells us the he "fortunately" survived. This sentence also ends with a morbid feel using the term tragical nature, while beginning the sentence with fortunately. I find the feelings of these words especially contradictory when used together and there fore makes its imagery stick in my mind.